Graph of Shame
Standings (A.K.A. Future Blackouts)
Information Table
| BAC (%) | Behavior | Impairment | Translation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0.001–0.029 | Seems normal | Minimal | Still unimpressive at parties |
| 0.030–0.059 | Mild euphoria Relaxation Joyousness Talkativeness Decreased inhibition |
Concentration | Starts to appreciate Nickelback Forgets the name of their first pet |
| 0.060–0.099 | Blunted feelings Reduced sensitivity to pain Euphoria Disinhibition Extraversion |
Reasoning Depth perception Peripheral vision Glare recovery |
Thinks they can dance Buys Bitcoin Loses at tic-tac-toe Struggles with velcro shoes |
| 0.100–0.199 | Over-expression Boisterousness Possibility of nausea and vomiting |
Reflexes Reaction time Gross motor control Staggering Slurred speech Temporary erectile dysfunction |
Attempts to moonwalk Thinks they can speak fluent Klingon Can't differentiate left from right (becomes Sol) Bumps into 'invisible' walls |
| 0.200–0.299 | Nausea Vomiting Emotional swings Anger or sadness Partial loss of understanding Impaired sensations Decreased libido Possibility of stupor |
Severe motor impairment Loss of consciousness Memory blackout |
Starts a podcast in the bathroom Joins a cult, accidentally Forgets how to swallow Laughs at their own jokes |
| 0.300–0.399 | Stupor Central nervous system depression Loss of understanding Lapses in and out of consciousness Low possibility of death |
Bladder function Breathing Dysequilibrium Heart rate |
Tries to invent a new color Believes they can talk to plants Can't recognize own reflection Thinks they're on a reality show |
| 0.400–0.500 | Severe central nervous system depression Coma Possibility of death |
Breathing Heart rate Positional alcohol nystagmus |
Attempts time travel with a cardboard box Writes love letters to appliances Confuses hands for food Argues with a mop |
| >0.50 | High possibility of death | Lack of photosynthesis | Appoints self as Emperor of the Galaxy Forgets how to breathe, possibly |